So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Holy shit dude........stairs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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