Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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