i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I would fuck him just for his dog
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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