Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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