I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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