I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
