walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
