It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
