stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
