You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
