It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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