Banned from zoo.
Again?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
