when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
