Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
