It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
