I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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