i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
