Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
