My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
