He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
