I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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