so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
