May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
