Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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