$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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