Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
