When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
