I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
