You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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