is your mom at the bar?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
