I wanna passion pit in your ass
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
