i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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