I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
