I need help removing her.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
