ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
