last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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