i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
