I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
