Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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