um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
