You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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