drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
