Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
