you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
