No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm bleeding and have questions
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
