By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
