FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
