just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This toilet bowl is my home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
