my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
