you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
