He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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