i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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